4 Reasons Why Babies Are Bad at Sales

If you haven’t noticed babies are rarely employed as telemarketers.

With this realization, a part of me wanted to protest and start a #babiestoo movement, but then I really dug into to understand the facts and determined some very important character flaws that are hindering sub-toddlers from breaking through in sales: 

1. Babies have a hard time staying focused

If you’ve ever changed a diaper only to find a #1, but the baby reaction is more like there should be 10 #2’s then you’ll get my point. If you struggle with overcoming adversity then you’ll have a hill to climb when cold calling prospects.  Here’s an example:  You’re a baby, and you’ve finally reached a prospect after 30 straight calls that ended in voicemails. The typical baby thing to do is to consider call 31 equally likely to end up in a voicemail because of the long streak of similar calls. Baby, you are so wrong.  Each call requires the same amount of mental and physical preparation. Stand up, take a deep breath, be ready to take notes, have the prospects LinkedIn profile in front of you.

2. Babies don’t have a solid grasp of written English.

Legacy sales was all about just being a face and a voice and leaving all of the fancy typing to the fulfillment team. Babies thrive in that scenario, but not in modern selling environments. The best and brightest salespeople these days have excellent writing skills first and foremost. Cutting through the noise of ‘every other’ sales message that a decision maker could be receiving by the hundreds on a daily basis, could take something snazzy-unique-precise-humorous. Usually at a level that is far out of reach of babies.  

3. Babies aren’t mentally equipped to be timely.

Some of the most effective outbound selling comes from being free and willing to jump on opportunities as they arise. Babies require 90 minute naps every few hours and ‘tweener meals on the reg. When the majority of your workday is consumed by eating and sleeping, it’s simply a lot to ask of a baby to be the first sales rep to call a company and congratulate them for big acquisition news.     

4. Babies cant dance.

There are two trains of thought when thinking about how to respond when you have a major ‘win’. Either ‘pretend like you do it all the time’ or ‘dance and yell with reckless abandon’.  I’m of the belief that all-in-all you should enjoy what you’re doing and in your real life create reasons to celebrate frequently. Mirror that, double it and bring it with you into the workplace. Babies might get happy for a moment when they are handed a new toy, but they can quickly turn on a dime.  Savor your moments- carry that momentum as long as you can stand to.